What Tina Brown Would Look LIke if She Were a Real Journalist
Well, this week Tina Brown did it again: using the cover of Newsweek to court controversy in the hope of saving the magazine, albeit at the expense of what’s left of the newsweekly’s reputation. Knowing her penchant for photoshopped hypotheticals, I thought it’d be interesting to explore what Tina might look like, were she actually a legitimate journalist. The results are as creepy as a resurrected Diana clutching an iPhone.
(From top-left: Walter Cronkite, Nellie Bly, Edward R. Murrow, Woodward and Bernstein, Christiane Amanpour, and Diane Sawyer)
Today in magazine covers from the future: I already made a statement regarding this week’s controversial Newsweek cover story, but since the outrage continues, I thought I’d engage my flux capacitor (read: Photoshop) to bring you one more contribution.
Dear Princess Diana,
Hey, it’s me, Tina Brown, editor-in-chief of Newsweek. We both talk the same way, so we’re kinda BFFs. Guess what, I’m going to write an article about your life, assuming you hadn’t died back in 1997! I got the idea just now, when I was playing with my Lady Di action figure during bath-time, and I realized I could make you do whatever I wanted. Did you know that in 2011 you’ll be able to hold your breath for 7 minutes?
More good news: you’ve got an iPhone, a white one, because—you know—you’re still classy after all these years. Bad news: you’ve remarried twice and you use Botox. Don’t worry, Di, I’m going to make sure to use this piece to plug my book about you, talk about swanky parties I’ve gone to, and drop a few names. If you were still alive, you would want me to write about myself under the auspices of writing about you.
Oh, I can’t wait for you to read this
bullshit fluff masquerading as journalism article! You’re just going to die! Er, well…you know what I mean. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to set your action figure aside, so I can hold this shower-head under the water at just the right angle. Ta-ta!
Your pal and princess of hypotheticals,
“You mean you want to educate young people about our craft? Sorry, you can’t work here. You’re not B to the W.”
Also, speaking as someone who actually has “Bs” I wouldn’t want to put them against a crumbling “W.” Just saying.
I’ll be live-blogging the Oscars for Newsweek tonight. If you haven’t checked out our amazing Oscar page, do so immediately! There’s an interactive list of all the nominees, featuring trailers for all the films. You can watch clips from our Oscar roundtable, which included James Franco, Natalie Portman, Michelle Williams, and more. And, of course, I’ll be there providing commentary on the entire ceremony, trying not to say anything that will get me fired.
Newsweekers Investigate Luxury Condoms
As a Valentine’s Day gift to you, we passed around some luxury condoms (made by French aristocrats) to get opinions from some of our staffers around the newsroom. So is there really a market for posh prophylactics? Watch the video to find out! Happy Valentine’s Day!
P.S. There is a taste-test included.