There’s a lot of discussion going around about the upheaval in the Big 12. A number of programs are looking to move to other conferences, like Texas and Oklahoma State following Colorado into the Pac-10. Of course this makes sense! I’ve always thought of Stillwater and Austin as the Los Angeles and Tucson of the Midwest. Look at a map! It’s one of the great oversights in history that these teams have been prevented from playing in the more geographically accurate west coast divisions. I only pray that UCLA’s surfing squad is keeping in shape, because, brother, you haven’t really surfed until you’ve ridden a wave on Lake Thunderbird, OK. Can you manipulate that famous surfing gesture of waving the thumb-and-pinky-finger into an upside down ‘hook-em-horns?’ Well, you’d better learn.
While we’re making changes, shouldn’t OU be playing in the Big East? Isn’t it time my alma mater, KU, finally made the move to China? I can only imagine how beautiful and powerful the Rock Chalk Jayhawk chant would sound in Manderin. Unfortunately for the conference (and for the world at large) Missouri is sticking around. Forget the Big 12, Tigers, and the Big 10 you were feeling out earlier this year. I think you would be more comfortable playing on the hot hardwood courts of Hell, as Columbia, MO is Earth’s closest parallel to that underworld locale. Plus, you would be even closer to your demon brethren.
It only makes sense. And that’s exactly what the teams of the Big 12 are doing right now: making a whole lot of totally sensical sense. If you don’t like it, blame Obama. Why? Because it’s easier that way. Touchdown! Swish!