Dudes! I’m ranked number one in ESPN’s Tournament Challenge! Just wait until I start scoring points, then I’m going to be ranked even higher! And to think, when I was born, the doctor told my parents that I’d never have the wits or the pancreatic capacity for heavy bracketology. Well, look at me now, Mom! You always said I was your little miracle boy, and now I’ve proven you right, and all those sawbones that said it couldn’t be done are wiping the egg from their faces. Dad, you don’t have to be ashamed of me anymore. Now you can take me to the country club and hold your head up high. I can’t wait to see how it feels to have you love me. Huzzah!