“Ryan” responds to yesterday’s video of a girl’s ridiculously embarrassing drunken voicemail in this Guyism exclusive.
When I heard the audio from this video yesterday, I had to pretend like the Ryan this girl was addressing was actually me, so I made this little video of me listening to the drunken voicemail in question.
It’s a beautiful day in New York City, but an unseen dark force is at work, for today is Friday the 13th. In honor of this unlucky day here are a few incredible but true** factoids about this superstition.
The 13th day of the month falls on a Friday at least once and at most three times a year. In 2010, today is the only occurrence of the phenomenon.
The exact origins of the superstition are hotly debated (by people who could probably be doing more important things), but it is widely agreed that at its most basic levels the observance is due to the fact that in ancient traditions Friday was considered to be an unlucky day and 13 to be an unlucky number.
The fear of Friday the 13th is known as friggatriskaidekaphobia, which I can’t pronounce.
With 17 - 21 million people in the U.S. affected by fear of this day, an estimated $800 - $900 million is lost in business on Friday the 13th.
The sale of hockey goalie masks and machetes skyrocket by 527% every Friday the 13th, and many summer camp counselors go on lockdown if they are preparing to reopen the camp at that time.
The only documented suicide by means of Friday the 13th occurred in Colfax, IA in 1949. The Colfax Sentinel-Times reported at the time that after discovering that his wife had left him for his older brother, local hardware store owner Lane Robertson waited until Friday the 13th at which time he walked under 13 ladders, while breaking 13 mirrors of various sizes, and having 13 black cats cross his path. Robertson told a witness that he didn’t want to go on living and that he believed he could bring about his own death with the completion of the aforementioned ritual on that day. He later slipped on a banana peel while walking to the barbershop. The fall knocked him unconscious, and made him incapable of dodging an anvil that fell from a building above, crushing his skull. Adding to the oddity of this event, the Sentinel-Times reported that Robertson was declared dead at 1:00 PM, the 13th hour of Friday the 13th. It is unclear where he found all the black cats.
HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th!!
**The last two pieces of trivia might not be so much “true” as “it’d be really interesting if they were true, but are really just made up by me.”
We received this notice from the management of our apartment building yesterday. I’m fond of their fear of “foreign people being around all over the building and on the rooftop.” They are apparently worried about the Puerto Ricans climbing the exterior walls like Spider Man and hanging out on our roof deck. This is a microcosm of the national immigration debate. It’s very possible that this was written by Mr. Bill Cutting, who had to leave the 5 Points for Williamsburg, and has been inspiring the fashion there for a century.
Onion News Network Report: Most College Males Admit to Regularly Getting Stoked
“But Duncan, have you ever seen anyone who’s stoked? They’re like, ‘Dude, dude, try these nachos.’”
I want to work at the ONN with all of my heart.
The Mad Men School of Seduction
As anticipation for the upcoming season of Mad Men continues to grow, I thought I’d pay tribute to those lotharios of Sterling Cooper. This video features almost every pickup line uttered between seasons 1-3. Have you been having trouble with the ladies? Well, take a cue from Campbell, Cosgrove, Kinsey, and, of course, the great Roger Sterling, among others. In less than 3 minutes, you’ll have the skills to score any choice dame. Mix yourself an Old Fashioned, light that Lucky Strike, and enjoy!