"Love means you let the other person eat all your Corn Pops cereal and you don’t get sore at them because their enjoyment of Corn Pops is your enjoyment of Corn Pops. You literally taste the Corn Pops in your heart of hearts while your love chews them in their mouth of mouths. Love means never having to say you’re sorry because your love is deaf and you can’t SAY you’re sorry; you have to sign it. Love is a chain-gang, in that it is both the shackles and the work that you’re forced to do. Love looks like silk. but smells of sulfur, and vice versa at any given moment, begging you to keep up. Krishnamurti will argue with Keats and Shakespeare will debate Shopenhauer, but love is you punching through the thin air of any definition until you blacken the eyes of your beloved. Love says that breathing is for mortals and thinking is for the weak minded. Ray knows he can only hint at it with his vibrating chords. Anyway, that’s what I found when I looked up the word in Webster’s."
![This is the same girl I posted about last week, and she is quickly becoming the queen of Facebook status updates. This one is priceless. But hey, you wanna hug kids, you’re gonna run the risk of contracting ringworm. That’s called risk vs. reward. Also, this isn’t going to help her on the dating front.
Update: Someone commented and offered encouragement by saying, “It just shows you’re loving [your students].” Yeah, that’s how I’m going to explain all my rashes from now on: “It just shows how loving I am.”](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll1k7kCifh1qcn0cvo1_1280.png)
This is the same girl I posted about last week, and she is quickly becoming the queen of Facebook status updates. This one is priceless. But hey, you wanna hug kids, you’re gonna run the risk of contracting ringworm. That’s called risk vs. reward. Also, this isn’t going to help her on the dating front.
Update: Someone commented and offered encouragement by saying, “It just shows you’re loving [your students].” Yeah, that’s how I’m going to explain all my rashes from now on: “It just shows how loving I am.”
Advice Needed
A girl I knew in 4th grade, who I’m obviously Facebook friends with, has been whining in the most dramatic way for the past week about how her boyfriend broke up with her. She just posted the following update:
“Love is a predator that lures u in just to rip your heart out. Never again.”
I’m tired of the histrionics. It would make me feel better if I could write the following response to her:
“That’s the spirit. Don’t ever fall in love again for the rest of your life. When you get knocked off the horse, it’s better to just stay off it, because, come on, it’s going to buck you again. Don’t forget, there are no other fish in the sea. It’s going to be okay, though, because when God closes a door, he opens a window so you can throw yourself out of it.
Buck up. Get off Facebook. Go into the world and find someone else, but Prince Charming isn’t going to be attracted to self-pity. When we were in 4th grade you were really good at seeing Magic Eye pictures. Use that to your advantage somehow. That’s all I’ve got for you.”
Too harsh or just the dose of brutal honesty she needs? Maybe this is what Facebook is about: friendships so loose that you can say whatever you want to them because you never have to see them anyway. Just experimenting here.
After what was supposed to be a quick drink with Newsweek expatriate Sarah Frank turned into several drinks, I retired to my abode and decided to watch best picture winner of 1999 American Beauty. Being the avid social networker that I am, I shared my experience by quoting lines from the movie in my facebook status updates:
Unfamiliar with Ms. Caroline Burnham’s low moment in the movie, my dad texted me with concern shortly after these two updates:
In case you missed it, the bracketologist comment is referring to this post from yesterday. My parents don’t really belong to a club, except maybe the Best Parents Ever Club. Aren’t I sweet?
P.S. Did you know that Lester Burnham is an anagram for Humbert Learns? It’s a nice homage to his Nabokov counterpart.
Facebook Knows When You Will Break Up
Taken from a study of 10,000 Facebook statuses (or stati, as I like to call them as I puff my pipe), graphic designer David McCandless created this chart to track the rate of breakups over the course of a year. Personally, I like to buck convention and break up with girls on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day. I feel that the gifts tend to counterbalance the devastating heartbreak and suicidal tendencies that inevitably follow the loss of yours truly.
See McCandless discuss this graphic and others during a TED talk this past July.
Facebook Orneriness
Some days I get a little bit silly on the ol’ book of faces. Tuesday was one such day, as you will see above. Please note: I know the girl whose status I was commenting upon and I know the first girl listed in the post. The other girls I’ve never met.
You’ll need to select the hi-res version to be able to make out all that text.
About Me
A filmmaker and Newsweek video producer in NYC named Ryan Jones, who also goes by K. Ryan Jones for professional and pretentious reasons. He reads books, waxes poetic about old Nickelodeon shows, and at certain times of the day has no clothes on.
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