The Only Living Boy in New York

A Nonsensical Conversation

• The following is the transcript from a Facebook chat I just had with my little brother. He and his boss, Blake, had each been given an awesome Special Forces knife by one of their clients and Blake sent me a video demonstrating the blade's auto-open feature. The conversation quickly deteriorates into nonsense, which is common among my brothers and me.
• Garrett: did you get blake's email?
• Me: Yeah, I tried calling you yesterday but it went strate to voicemail.
• Garrett: strate?
• Me: Yeah, I spelled it right the first time, but then I wanted to spell it wrong. So I did that.
• Garrett: That makes sense.
• Me: Anyway, awesome knife! I really want one. Birthday?
• Garrett: That knife retails at $200
• Me: I really want one. Birthday?
• Garrett: I already have one, thanks.
• Me: A birthday?
• Me (1.5 seconds later): Yes.
• Garrett: Yes.
• Me: I already said that...For my birthday this year, I'm asking for another birthday.
• Garrett: That's like wishing for more wishes! It's against the rules.
• Me: I keep my genie in a bottle because I never rub him the right way.
• Garrett: That's good to know.
• Me: You mean 'no,' I think...Know, I no.
• Garrett: This is getting old.
• Me: We're all getting old.
• Garrett: Not Braden [editor's note: Braden is our older brother]
• Me: That's because he was born without wisdom teeth. [editor's note: this is strange, but true]
• Garrett: or wisdom
• Me: or teeth.
• Garrett: or teeth
• Me: too late.
• Garrett: not on my screen
• Me: Well, my screen is at NEWSWEEK, where the news is made, so who do you think owns this story and how it will be told to the world?
• Garrett: All I ask is for the truth.
• Me: I'm out of cleverness. And I'm hungry for the PBJ I've got in my desk
• Garrett: and yet you say something somewhat clever
• Me: That's my x-men power.
• Garrett: Mine is gaining weight through utter laziness
• Me: That will come in handy when we battle those pathetic non-mutants. You'll disgust them into submission.
• At this point Garrett drops offline. I'm not sure why. I felt like we were finally getting somewhere.

7 July 2010 ·